ourLilyTree: Letters to Lily

Wednesday, Oct 12, 2011
Dear Lily-
You've taken to screaming a lot lately. I'm not too sure why... maybe you want to assert yourself? you want to be heard? or you just want to annoy me...
Regardless, you're a great kid. You and daddy carved a pumpkin the other night because Halloween is fast approaching. He takes it into your room and shuts off the lights so you guys can look at it glow.
You now have 5 ponies and like to carry them around with you. You're super creative and like to make up little stories about different characters; your mermaid, strawberry girls, cow, ponies, and others. Everyone likes to hug each other and the like to say, 'help me, help me!'.
I sure do miss you when I'm at work- it's always the best part of my day; the picking you up part. I speed over to Nikki's house and can't wait to see your smiling little face.
And I think I kind of miss you overall. I feel like I haven't gotten to really spend time with you in weeks. Maybe I just need to try to be more present when we are spending time together?
A lot has changed and you are unaware. I hope to keep it that way for a while.

Love, Mommy

Friday, September 30, 2011

Dear Lily-
This morning I dropped you off at Nikki's house for daycare. You didn't really want to go- wanted to stay home and play with your purple ponies I think. You've been so great this past week travelling back and forth to the hospital with either me or daddy to see Rowan- or to switch off, rather. You were especially tired last night and I felt terrible for that. You had a hard time sleeping and woke up a bunch- you do that when you're over tired.
I just wanted you to know that I love you so much and know all of this with Rowan will affect you. But your dad and I are convinced that going through this with us will help you to be a compassionate person...
We will make sure you get to do all the things you want and that your life is wonderful. I'm not too sure why I'm writing this- probably mother's guilt, but I just wanted you to know that we love you so much.
I've missed you the past couple of weeks.

Love, Mommy

Monday, August 8th 2011

Dear Lily-

I've been thinking a lot lately about how I felt when I was pregnant with both you and with your brother. I was wondering to myself if your personalities matched 'on the outside'. I remembered how you seemed to move and kick pretty regularly, like all babies do, I suspect... but that you seemed to get mad or frustrated at being trapped, or without room, and you'd have little tantrums. You'd kick and kick relentlessly- and then you'd wear yourself out and rest. It seems to match your personality today, too. You are really so very smart and have such a sweet and interesting disposition. But when you're mad, you're mad! You have a fiery little temper, but if you're frustrated it's over as soon as it's started.

I've found during these times that you mostly just want a hug. You don't really like to get in trouble- it seems like you get embarrassed or like you feel bad... and I don't want you to feel bad, Lily. It's ok to make mistakes. (this is me worrying about you when you're older...) So, I just hug you and try to guide you in the ways I think are best. I just try to love you through and through so you always know you can come to me.

I was also thinking of some of the funny things you say and wanted to remember them:

Watermelon = meller wadin
"Will you hold me, mommy?"= "Can I hold you, mommy?"
Dental floss = sloss

Love, Mommy

Monday, August 1 2011

Dear Lily-
I've recently started this blog as a way to save memories, pictures, stories, and my love for you. I wish I had started it sooner... I hope these letters will chronicle your life and will help you to always remember that you are absolutely wonderful. I love you so much.

I went back and found some pictures I think you'll love to see. Some of the day you were born... I should tell you the story of the day you were born, now that I think of it!

You were due to be born on March 26, 2009. Daddy and I were in Fargo, but there was some really terrible flooding going on, so all of the hospitals closed and evacuated their patients. They said that we should go to a neighboring city either to have you or until the hospitals here in Fargo opened up again. Your Aunt Emily and Uncle Rich live in Bismarck, and Aunt Emily is a nurse, so we decided to go stay there for a little while. We loaded up all of our stuff, the dogs, and some baby clothes (just in case) and took off to Bismarck on your due date. Before we left, though, we had to take the toilets up out of our house, close up the drains, and shut off the water in case it flooded. It was a mess and kind of a mad dash to get out of town. They were about to close all of the interstates, too!

We arrived in Bismarck, and I was huge! I was so ready to have you, but didn't know what to expect. On Saturday, my mom and dad- your grandma and grandpa Mayer, came to Bismarck to see Steve and I. It was almost Daddy's birthday, and we all went out to dinner. I sure didn't feel very good, but I walked around the mall and tried to keep up with everyone.

That morning at about 3:00 AM I went into labor. I woke your daddy up and we called the hospital in Bismarck to make sure they had all of my records from Fargo. They did and told us to come right in. My contractions came on very fast and I was starting to think you'd come soon!

We checked into the hospital and got all ready to have you. I got into my gown and your daddy was by my side. He held my hand and got me water to drink. We were so nervous and excited. There was a time during my labor with you that your heartbeat began to slow, so I had to change positions and we had to make sure you were getting enough oxygen. Eventually the doctor came in and I started to try to push you out. The doctor thought you were a big baby and you weren't coming as fast as he thought you should have. He gave me an epesiotomy and had to help you get out with an instrument that suctioned you out. You came soon enough, and the doctor laid you on my chest. I wish I could describe that feeling, Lily... I had gone from only being able to feel you move and kick and wonder what you looked like to touching your warm, soft skin. Your little voice squalked and you had the sweetest poutiest look on your face. We cried and welcomed you and in an instant we were changed.

Grandma and Grandpa Mayer happened to still be in town, so they came over eventually- and Aunt Emily was there the whole time taking pictures! We had you at 2:16 in the afternoon and it was so wonderful. You were tiny; only 5 pounds 14 ounces. The doctor was pretty wrong about your size... I think I was so chubby, he thought you were big!

The nurses made sure you were ok and the doctor made sure I was ok. Then they moved us all to a family room so we could have some more space and could be together...A few hours after I had you I didn't feel very well. I had to go into surgery, so Daddy stayed with you. I was scared and Daddy was scared, but mommy's best friends, Leah, Lynnette, and Kirsten had driven all the way from Fargo to see you, so they stayed with Daddy. Grandma Joyce was also there.

That night there was a terrible blizzard! Twenty inches of show! The girls got stuck in Bismarck and had to stay in a hotel room. But they didn't care- they were so happy to meet you.

You, Daddy, and I stayed in our hospital room for a couple more days. We held you and kissed you- I nursed you and changed your little diapers. We think those were some of the best moments of our lives. You were here, Lily, and our lives had changed. Our hearts had changed... We were never the same again.

There is nothing your daddy and I wouldn't do for you. We love you more than anything in this whole world, Lily. You are wonderful.

Love, Mommy.