Home nervous home...

The time to go home is fast approaching- and I'm scared.  Last week all I wanted to do was to bring our sweet little guy home so his sister could bug him and so we could all be together.  But now I'm not so sure...
Steve and I haven't slept in the same bed or been in the house at the same time in two weeks- we've been shuffling Lily back and forth.  We've kissed in passing at the hospital- and things have changed.  I'm nervous to interact at home now that everything is different.  Now that our guts have changed.

Rowan will need his urine checked for ketones five times a day and his blood sugars checked a few times daily.  He's on a special Ketogenic Diet and I have no clue how to manage it.  He drinks formula right now- but will want food again soon, I'm sure.  There are ratios and scales involved and I am so scared I'll screw that up.

And then there's the medications- three different ones a day.... Appointments with a dietitian, geneticist neurologist, family services, social workers, and on and on... I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared to death.

I'm afraid Steve and I will be unkind to each other and I'm afraid Lily will suffer because of a shift in attention.  I'm afraid to be on our own without the help and guidance of hospital workers.  And I'm afraid Rowan will slip back into longer and more intense seizures and I won't know what to do.

But- This sweet little boy wants to come home.  And we'll need to suck it up and figure things out.

One day at a time.