A strange thing days are now... In the way that each is different, each is different. But they've all felt strangely the same. Get up, hold and kiss Rowan, get ready for work, get Lily ready, drop her off, feel guilty, miss her before Nikki's door closes, and drive to work. Try to focus at work and earn the money I'm paid. Wonder all day how Rowan is doing. Call Janet daily-or she calls me. Call the doctor with questions, call the nutritionist with questions, try to focus on work and earn the money I'm paid. Hold back tears, hide worry, make jokes, give back to people...
Lily is changing so much. I hope I'm paying attention to that. I hope I see it all. I hope I'm being a good Mommy to her. Rowan is remaining fairly constant. Some days are better and some are worse, but most are similar to the day before. And that is ok.
I've tried to give more hugs to the kids- and even to Steve. We could all use them and our time together isn't guaranteed, so I want to make sure the three loveliest people I know know I love them without question.
I think we (Steve and I) are doing well. I'm sometimes surprised we haven't fallen to pieces... But every day I think, "tomorrow I can do better". And every day I'll try.
No comments:
Post a Comment