I get it now.

This past week Steve went to North Carolina for a conference and was with the kids. My mom- and later, my dad- came up to help me.   My mother and her friend, Bonnie, also walked in the Fargo Marathon 10K.

It's always so nice to spend time with my mother. As I get older, I see her in different ways. Over time, she's become more of a human being to me- more of a whole person. She always has been a 'whole person'; don't get me wrong. Now, though, I think I get it.

Initial stages of parenting made me feel two-dimensional. I'm not saying it isn't the best thing that's ever happened to me, because it most surely is. But I think my focus shifted to raising my kids and to taking care of their needs so much that my other cool parts just faded away. I guess I found myself feeling flat, with no bumps or corners, or interesting anything.

Lately, though, I feel much more of a pull to take care of myself as an individual... who also happens to be a parent. It's only one part of me. I feel more alive. I'm wearing more color. This is a big deal...
I do my woodworking, photography, bake, do art projects with Lily and for myself, I walk the dog, have friends, and love my creative side.

Parenting will always be my most important, number-one, most enjoyable and exhausting job. But, like my mother, I'm a whole person, too... and I'll prove that by: showing you pictures of my kids:)

First time roasting marshmallows.

growth

This week has been filled with giggles and all kinds of growth for Rowan. It's been wonderful watching him make advancements that probably would seem totally insignificant to other people- or are things that 4 month old babies are doing- but I couldn't be happier!

Rowan was sick for a few weeks last month with ear infections and a lingering cough that needed nebulizer treatments. On top of those issues, he was getting in about 4 teeth at once and was not a happy kid.  He was pretty sleepy and medicated for those weeks and when that happens, he loses whatever strength he gained and seems to have to start all over again.

His caregiver, Janet, and I were talking about how much we missed when he used to be able to hold his head up and look around when lying on his tummy. Instead, he'd just lay on his little face with his arms down by his sides. Now, though, he is rolling back and forth again, is bringing his legs up underneath his body, and is supporting his head really, really well.

Yesterday he was playing with Lily's purple tutu and seemed to like the feel of that... and he seems to be mimicking some language. There's a lot of back and forth 'talk' and sometimes I can hear him say 'hi'... or the aaiiiieeee sound, I guess.

He's also started demanding more attention- and that's amazing to watch. He has been much more assertive this week and seems to be learning cause and effect. If I make this pouty face, mommy will pay attention to me and will talk to me.
Love it!

His vision has been great this week, too- which is related to all the learning, I'm sure. It would be very difficult to want to do anything if you couldn't see, right??

Last week a vision-specialist came out and did an assessment of Rowan. Here is a really cool powerpoint about CVI and the rating scale... Rowan is a 1-2 or a 3-4 in most categories depending upon the day.


It has been such a gift to learn all about what will help him to see better, what things he likes to look at, and how to work with the CVI to enhance his days.

Want to see how happy our boy is this week??
Take a look...

Lily likes ballet school

There is a ballet school here in Fargo that lets little girls and boys go to try it out before signing up.  What a great idea!

About 6 months ago, we took Lily to 'gymnastics school' and wish they'd had that option.  There were way too many kids and it was quite chaotic- Lily couldn't focus and ended up getting scolded (by us, not the teachers).  It became apparent she wasn't ready for either that environment or for that particular activity.
So the other day when Lily was asked if she'd enjoy trying out ballet school, she said, 'Yes'. Kate and Gene took her to her first class...

Here are a couple of videos.

 She's the little girl in the pink clothes.

And another:

I have to admit, I've watched these- and the 5 others- way too many times. I'm so proud of her. I just can't believe what a big girl she is and how mature she seems.  Makes me a tad sad, but again- I'm so darned proud of our little Lily.

Wishing

I've been thinking quite a bit lately about our dear boy... For me, things seem cyclical. I'll have several weeks of strait-up positivity and then a crash back to reality. All is well, don't get me wrong. But I've found myself daydreaming quite a bit...

I've been imagining what Rowan would look like walking. I imagine opening up my front door and seeing him run over to me and giving him a huge hug. I wonder what words he'd be saying and how he'd be tormenting his big sister.

I wish I could see him sit up.
Walk.
Grab toys.
Hug me.
Talk.

So today I'm going to stay in this spot of wishing.

I wonder if I wish hard enough what could happen...