Dear Rowan

Sweet Rowan,

I've been lucky to spend some good, quality time with you the past couple of weeks. Last weekend your Daddy took Lily to see River and Canyon and you stayed home with me. You helped me pick up a mattress for your sister's new bed, helped me put the bed together, and snuggled with me a lot.

I've also gotten to sleep with you a few times. At night when your dad is out in the living room, I bring you into my bed so we can snuggle. You're the best snuggler there is, my dear.

I've been thinking a lot about losing you lately. I've tried to remind myself to cherish the times when we are next to each other in bed- or when you fall asleep and I rock you instead of putting you down so I can do other things.  The past couple of times we were lying in bed together, I held you so close to me. I wanted you to feel all the joy you were bringing to me. 
I've found myself wanting to stay at home. I guess I want to soak up all my moments with you... just in case.  I know I need to be in the moment- and I try and succeed most days. Other days I feel your skin and your life. I listen to your voice and watch you suck on your hands. I smell you and I try to make you smile. You're so deeply loved...

You've gotten so strong the past couple of weeks, Rowan! We are so proud of you. You've gotten more vocal- and you're holding your head up like a champ. Your smile and your goofyness melts our hearts.

Today I just wanted you to know that you are a gift. You are a wonderful blessing to our family and we love you so very deeply.

Love, Mommy.