The reality vacation

It's really been a long time since I posted anything- Seems like time just keeps flying by.

It's early December already, and the holidays are upon us. This is always such an overwhelming time for me because I'm not historically a great traveler. I get anxious.

We recently took a trip to Buffalo Gap to Holly and Jeff's ranch for Thanksgiving. It was Grandma and Grandpa Mayer's 67th anniversary, Grandpa Howard's 90th birthday and was such a great reason for us all to get together.
I didn't get a ton of pictures, but we sure did have a great time.

Rowan was really out of sorts this particular weekend and it took a toll on both Steve and me. I'm sure it got old for the family, too- I felt like I didn't get to spend as much time having converstations with people as I'd have liked. And I know Steve was feeling similarly.

We are quickly coming to the realization of the overwhelming nature of special needs. We get a ton of help, that is for sure. But as the months go by and as Rowan gets bigger it is harder and harder to comfort him when he is upset. We also so rarely know what is even bothering him- and he seems to get the most upset on weekends, which gets difficult. 

He likes his routine and doesn't enjoy being cooped up in the house. We're learning that about him. He's starting to express himself; likes and dislikes, which is wonderful. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that when we are home and in our own little world- the world seems a bit easier... when we travel and are out of our comfort zones, without certain resources, and are overtired- things are exponentially difficult.

Sometimes vacations do not feel vacation'y.

All in all, though, life is good- Lily is a genius... exhibit A:

And the ride home with Grandma Gretchen and Grandpa Doug was pretty pleasant:)

Bean-bag Babies

For some reason this phrase keeps popping into my head. 

I have a book on my shelf in queue to read that tells of a woman's lifelong mission to help 'bean-bag babies' to do things never expected of them. If you haven't yet figured out what bean-bag babies are; they're babies destined to spend their little lives propped up in a bean-bag chair, or in blankets, or on a lap. Bean-bag babies are not expected to do much. It's often thought that they can only sense comfort, pain, and the very basics of existence.  They will not walk. Will not talk. Will not feed themselves. Will need to be diapered for the duration of their lives.

I think I keep thinking about this because I have a bean-bag baby. 

Our Neurologist called on Friday of last week as I was leaving work and told me that my genetic testing came back positive, which means I'm a carrier for the mutation that caused Rowan's condition. That was a surprisingly difficult thing to write.

We all knew I was a carrier- and after three tests it was confirmed. Anyway, while I was on the phone with Dr., I was explaining to her the new milestones Rowan's achieved or is working toward. 

1. He can roll both ways
2. He has been babbling with consonants
3. He has been working SO hard at sitting and propping himself up
4. He gives kisses- and will do so when prompted
5. He holds his head so well
6. He reaches out for toys
7. He can hold things for many seconds
8. He can prop himself up on his forearms
9. He seems to understand cause and effect as it relates to hitting an object and it making noise

When I really take a look at this list- not from my home where I'm so damn proud of my kid- but from a sterile environment, these reflect the milestones of a 3-8 month old baby. Rowan will be 2 in 13 days.  He's developing at around 25%.

And you wanna know what? Our neurologist is amazed. She is shocked at these achievements and told me that this is more than she's ever seen any male with DCX-X linked Lissencephaly accomplish.

So sad- and so good at the same time.  So, our dear boy is a bean-bag baby, but we're damned determined he will not spend his life in one.

Wishing

I've been thinking quite a bit lately about our dear boy... For me, things seem cyclical. I'll have several weeks of strait-up positivity and then a crash back to reality. All is well, don't get me wrong. But I've found myself daydreaming quite a bit...

I've been imagining what Rowan would look like walking. I imagine opening up my front door and seeing him run over to me and giving him a huge hug. I wonder what words he'd be saying and how he'd be tormenting his big sister.

I wish I could see him sit up.
Walk.
Grab toys.
Hug me.
Talk.

So today I'm going to stay in this spot of wishing.

I wonder if I wish hard enough what could happen...